and see yourself fail. miserably.

You just can’t help but feel that you’re not good enough when you can’t cheer someone up, or make their day, or just make them smile for even a second. There’s just this subtle pang of helplessness and dejection that hits you.

I don’t even know what to say anymore.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life. - Bob Marley

Hello my empty boring space.
I have to remind myself to get Evanescence’s album soon.
And my fringe is currently annoying the shit out of me but I shall not cut it because I want it to be loonnnnngggg.

Ah! The irony of life.

So life is actually quite mundane except…

I just spelt ‘mundane’ as ‘mundance’ oh goodness! 

I’ve been taking driving lessons like, literally, every single day. And I’m happy to say that I’m actually saving a lot of money because they’re having a price hike after 15th of March, and I’m finishing the practical lessons soon (in 3 more lessons)!

Teaching is going well so far. But I really don’t like topping up my ezlink every 2 weeks. And I’ve also been helping out at Mdm Tan’s for the past 3 weeks and the kids there are hilarious and crazy, seriously. Life of a tutor is actually pretty awesome :)

I’ve also been catching up on my tv shows and I am sooooooo in love with Damon now (and Elijah the original omggggg). And I don’t know why everyone, except for Tsai, thinks that Stefan is hotter!:( And I’ve also been watching 2 Broke Girls and it’s sooooo hilarious ahaha!

Now to the less bright side of life…
which is also interesting, to me, but not very nice :(

There’s been like 4 funerals in my neighbourhood lately and they happen consecutively and it’s starting to scare me. :(

And this reminds me of the release of results. Heard that it’s coming out on the 2nd of March :’( 

Isn’t it funny? The perception of death really differs here. And it’s undeniable that people are saying “I’m so dead” or “I’m gonna die” when it comes to life-important events or decisions to be made. You can’t blame them. You can’t blame me. You can’t blame you. Because there’s no other feeling closer than death than describing how you may be feeling at that instant (you don’t have to know what death feels like). There’s no other feeling that holds the same (almost) weight as death.

And the 4 funerals recently taught me that I shouldn’t hold life lightly, and that it can be taken away any moment. And then I start to think of The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho which he mentioned omens and all that and I’m starting to think…oh wait, I shouldn’t be thinking so much. 

And as much as people love to say “It’s just alphabets on a piece of paper” or “Life doesn’t depend on grades”, deep down, there’s that chest of hidden feelings that no one wishes to unlock. These comfort words mean nothing at all to those who really put in all their heart and soul into whatever they’re doing. 

Frankly, I don’t even know what to expect this time round. Back in the days while waiting for O’s results, I was scared shitless. But this time I’m so sick of waiting and expecting any good/bad outcome.

And I just realised I blogged as depressing as this while waiting for O’s results hahahahaha!

Oh goodness I honestly need to keep away from these sadddddddd thoughts.

Having dinner with Tsai, Brenny and Rach tomorrow. And then I’m dateless, once again.

HAHA someone please date me out. I’ll fold 9 paper roses in accordance of your favourite color for you ;) 

I’m just feeling lost and unsure. I haven’t lost all of my faith. But it’s depleting. And right now I am definitely starting to question myself. For what it’s worth, is it all really worth it?